Westel and I have been playing a sort of game lately, where we’ve each challenged each other to share one true fact about ourselves every day for a month. Due to numerous distractions during my month I failed to meet my challenge (I came up two truths short), but he passed his own test with flying colors aside from one incident where he told the same truth twice. In this way I’ve told him of leaning to sew, envying my sister’s fair features, my passion for chocolate and my admiration for a powerful woman of Silvermoon high society. He’s told me of running away to join the rangers, his first wolf companion, his rivalry with his brothers and the girl who gave him his first kiss. The exercise has been entertaining and, dare I say it, educational.
But what’s been nearly as revealing as the truths we’ve told each other are the truths we’ve kept back – or I’ve kept back, at least. More than once my hand hovered over the paper as I tried to decide what to offer for that day’s challenge and discarded multiple ideas as too serious. Too… truthful? Too much. I wavered over whether to tell him of the bargain I made to acquire Betwyn’s service, until the question was rendered moot when I related the story to Kuvasei in his presence as a cautionary tale. Once I wrote to him “For simplicity’s sake I often say my mother died in the destruction of the Sunwell, when in fact she lived for several months after,” which is true but is such a small fraction of the story of what happened to my family in the months after Silvermoon fell – and I know I should tell him the whole, as it would help him better understand the situation between my sister and I today. But strangely I find I cannot do it yet, and I could not offer it up as part of a game.
Strange how even after all this time I find it hard to talk about certain things with the person I know my secrets are safest with. And strange to wonder what he likewise might be holding back from me, even as we both endeavor to share everything.
Love is stupid and hard, sometimes. Even when it’s good.
A new month brings a new challenge and this month we are diverting from truths; Westel threatened to make me cook every day (!) but now has relented and says he has some kind of ‘scavenger hunt’ planned for me instead. I am looking forward to it ridiculously, intrigued by thoughts of what I might find. As often as I’ve been drawn to ‘adventurous’ sorts in the past, Westel is by far one of the most creative lovers I’ve taken on and I continue to marvel at his ability to make me giggle like a giddy child over the simplest of things. If I’m not careful, this man may be the end of me – or at least the end of my very carefully crafted public image. Damn it all.